


The Sky and the Ground

by Katrina_Leann



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I fixed it, blood tw, so now there's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:38:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katrina_Leann/pseuds/Katrina_Leann
Summary: Adam and his girlfriend Belle get into a fight that takes a dramatic turn at a train station.





	1. Chapter 1

_I love you. I've always loved you. There is nothing that I would love more than to spend the rest of my life with you. But I understand. We come from two different places, two different worlds. I suppose that the sky and the ground were never meant to truly meet, instead to live in the careful balance between crashing together or hanging by a thread. But Belle—beautiful Belle, I cannot do that. I cannot look up at you everyday and know that you're only with me for my own sake. Pure and stunning as a cloudless sky, you deserve so much more than to be darkened by my storms. My whole life I've been a coward. But what if I could change that? What if today I could be brave? Without you the world might not spin, the sun might not rise, the Earth may freeze… but without me, your galaxy will shine even brighter. This? This is merely a meteor storm for you. It will pass, I swear. I love you, Belle. Please never doubt that.  
—A_

By the time Belle had gotten to the bottom of his heartfelt letter, she had realized two things; first and foremost, Adam Gold was one of the purest souls that this world or the next had to offer. With his infinite sweetness and quietly poetic nature, Adam was a diamond in a pile of coal. Second was that she was a fool. An _absolute_ fool and if she didn't go and find him now, she might not bloody well find him at all. Where to start, though? Adam was not a particularly loved man, nor was he hated exactly. He seemed to reside in the in between. He was known—but not known. That was one of the many reasons she'd fallen so in love with him.

His had never been a quest for fame, no… Adam was who Adam was without apology or excuse. The language that he spoke was written, more times than said, something that had immediately drawn her to him. It was for easier for Belle to express herself through her books rather than through her lips. Adam was the same way. He sought refuge in his words, offered comfort with his neat handwriting. It was something—something big—that they both had in common. It made Adam Gold important.

It made Adam Gold a siren.

~X~

“You catching a train too, laddie?” Adam looked up and blinked at the old man who had made himself comfortable on the bench next to him. Not really feeling up to answering him, Adam stayed quiet. The stranger didn't seem fazed by his silence, merely leaning back to rest his head against the uncomfortable hard plastic of the bench and staring at the train tracks with Adam.

“You're running. I can see it in your eyes, laddie. There's a certain look, the look of a man who's running from nothing but himself. Take it from someone who knows, son, running from yourself is futile. You're stuck with you like you're stuck with your shadow.” To demonstrate, he raised his arm, showing Adam the echoed movement on the concrete.

“I take it you've never seen Peter Pan then?” Adam questioned softly, wrapping his jacket tighter around himself in an effort to ward off the cold. At least he wouldn't have to deal with constant ice and rain in Glasgow. His aunts old home was nothing if not warm and while the thought of returning there still made a sharp stab of pain shoot through him, he didn't have too many options at the moment.

“Alright, smartass, I suppose you think you're cracking?” A gloved hand patted him harshly on the shoulder, bits of snow and ice crystals falling onto his already snowed on jacket and pants. Fantastic. “Go on then, laddie. Tell old Joey what's on your mind.”

Adam raised his eyebrows doubtfully, shaking his head at the man's audacity. Was there really no where else he could be? He wasn't much in the mood for small talk at the moment and the man—old Joey—seemed nice enough. Adam just wished he could go be nice somewhere else.

“Oh come on, laddie! I want to help, truly I do. But I can't help if I don't know what's wrong to start with. The wound on your heart can't be healed with a bandage to your head, son.” He sounded so earnest that Adam turned to face him completely, giving the man a hard look before sighing and shrugging his shoulders.

What the hell... It wasn't like he had anything left to lose. Right now all he had was memories, beautifully torturous memories—and pain. So much pain.

“Her name is Belle…”

~X~

“And you're _sure_ he never made a reservation? Even if he cancelled it later, I just need to know if he ever planned to stay there.” On the other end of the line Belle could hear as Granny sighed deeply, the action making a crackling sound where it was pressed against her ear.

“I swear to you, Belle, Adam Gold never made a reservation here. He never booked a room, never cancelled an order—never got more than a coffee!” The line went quiet for a moment, then Granny asked lowly, "Did you two get into a fight? Did he hurt you?”

“No! God, Granny… no. No. Adam never…” Belle stopped cold as a memory hit her suddenly. “I have to go!”

“But—“

“I'm sorry, I have to go Granny. Thank you for checking.” Without giving the other woman any time to respond, Belle hung up and sat down heavily on their bed. The memory was hazy and buried under an avalanche of others, but slowly it became clearer and clearer until…

_The way his entire body tensed up as his eyes darkened in sadness was her answer. Still though his throat bobbed as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't make the words come out. Belle knew the feeling._

_“I'm sorry. It was just an idea, sweetheart We don't have to—we don't even have to mention it again if you don't want. I just thought…” what had she been thinking? Belle knew Adam was sensitive about his past and she'd basically ambushed him with it._

_“It's a good idea, Belle. It is! I just… it's—“_

_“Too soon?”_

_He met her eyes gratefully, a sad smile twisting at his lips. “They would've loved you, Belle. I just know it. They would've loved you like I do and we all would have done Christmas together and they would have adored you.” She smiled at that and took his hand, lacing their fingers together and kissing his knuckles._

_“They sound wonderful.”_

_“Indeed. I always felt brave with them. They were sick and fragile and I just felt so important. They needed me to carry the groceries and water the plants and help cook and now they're… they're…”_

_Belle kissed his forehead. “I know, sweetheart. And I truly do wish I could have met your aunts. I know we would have all had a grand time together.” His eyes were watery with unshed tears, but his face was peaceful._

_“Indeed. We would have had a grand time._ ”

~X~

“So you left in some backwards attempt to protect her?”

Adam wasn't sure that it could be expressed that simply, but it sufficed. Though the words “backwards attempt” made him frown at Joey. There had been no attempt made—Adam had done what he had to. Belle was safe from his darkness and his poison, he wouldn't contaminate her like he did everything else in his life.

“I left to protect her, yes. And it's better that way. She'll see soon enough that I was nothing more that a slight detour on her journey.” The words _hurt_ to say. Truth was not something Adam was a stranger to, but saying out loud how insignificant he really was to Belle hurt in a way that he had expected. Gritting his teeth he ran an agitated hand through his hair—he'd done the right thing. Belle was better off without him. Maybe one day she'd even thank him for letting her go.

“It sounds an awful lot like you're trying to convince yourself, not me.” Joey propped his head up on his hand and stifled a yawn behind his snow caked glove. “So what'd your girl say when you told her all this?” The way he asked it, the undertone of challenge, assured Adam that he already knew that Belle hadn't had a part in this decision. For the first time since he'd poured his heart out onto that paper, Adam wondered if he'd truly done the right thing. Unbidden, white hot anger suddenly surged through him.

“I wrote her a note!” It was weak. _So_ weak. But this man—Joey—he didn't know Belle like Adam did, he didn't understand that Belle would rather live a life where she was unhappy than risk being the cause of someone else's unhappiness. It wasn't _right_. And the thought of unintentionally chaining her to him made Adam feel sick.

No. He'd rather die.

“You wrote her a note? Tell me something, son… how long were you and her together?” Joey was sitting up straighter, like he was on the verge of some big break through that only he knew about. Adam was suddenly very tired and far from making him feel better, he felt worse.

“Just over a year.”

~X~

On wobbling legs Belle ran to their study, flinging open the door with strength that surprised even her. But there was no time to think about that right now.

“Come on, Adam. You have to have left me something. Just a little sign that I'm on the right track.” Because if Belle hauled herself to the train station only to have this all be a wild hunch, there would be no time left to actually find him. She'd tried calling him, but his phone had went straight to voicemail.

Tears burned behind her eyes as she tore through the papers, looking for _anything_ that would tell her she had the right idea. Bills and unopened mail met her desperate gaze, but no notes. No times, no train station platforms… none of it. “Dammit Adam! Come _on_.” And just like that—the dam broke. Tears, hot and salty and endless, raced down her cheeks as she sobbed. It was hopeless.

Adam had been thorough in his unwanted removal from her life. He'd called himself the ground but truthfully, he was the sun. Her sun. If Belle was the sky then Adam was the sun that brightened her days and she needed him. Needed him like she needed to breath. Or at least needed him to give her an actual reason for leaving besides “what was best for her”. He was what was best for her.

And she was wasting time.

Wiping her eyes quickly Belle reached for the box of tissues that had always sat right beside the monitor. But it was gone. With a puzzled frown Belle pushed back the chair she'd sat in, then almost fell out of it. Under her feet the rubbish bin was overflowing with used tissues, but that wasn't what had caught her attention and nearly stopped her heart. There, on top of the mountain of Kleenex, was a sticky note.

_**1100, Platform 7** _

~X~

“You're with her a year, and you don't even give her the courtesy of actually talking to her before you leave—for _her_. Do you understand how that sounds?” Joey stopped talking, looking at Adam expectantly, as if he'd just solved all of his problems for him. All he wanted was for this conversation to be over, but more than that—he needed reassurance. He needed somebody to tell him that yes, for once Adam Gold was being brave. Yes, he'd done the right thing.

Somehow he didn't think he'd be getting that from Joey.

“How what sounds, Joey?” Adam hissed quietly. Enough was enough. If Joey wanted to share his life lessons with someone, then he'd better find somebody else. Adam was done listening. “I don't remember asking for your thoughts on the matter. I left Belle for her own good, and if it hurts a little now, it'll save her from complete heartbreak later. I am no good. Eventually she will see that everything I did—everything I've _ever_ done—has been to protect her. This is no exception.”

“I understand that it may seem that way, son. But leaving her without any warning—“

“We had a fight,” Adam cut in sharply, watching as Joey startled, his head snapping to look at him so fast that his neck popped. Adam winced at the sound, but continued talking nonetheless. “She wanted to move into this bigger house and I knew that I could never afford it so I told her as much. She said she would ‘handle it’. Like throwing out that much money was _nothing_. We are different, but I don't think I knew how different until that moment.”

“What happened next?” For the first time it didn't sound like Joey was just trying to rush him along so that he could speak. The old man was actually _listening_ to him now and that made just a little bit of the pressure on Adam's chest ease.

“I told her that I wasn't comfortable living in a house payed for by her. She said that she wanted comfort—“ that had stung something fierce, Adam thought privately. Belle had once accused him of being a hopeless romantic, which he'd answered with a snort and roll of his eyes, but she had been right. There was the tiny little hope that she'd stay with him and that would be enough. The small sum of money that Adam had briefly obtained was quickly spent on a decent sized house. They could work their way up as a couple together and establish themselves together and just be… _together_. Instead she wanted to buy a new house. “We fought.”

Joey nodded slowly, crossing and uncrossing his legs. “And because she wanted a bigger house, you left?” Far from sounding accusatory, he sounded honestly perplexed. His pale green eyes were paying rapt attention to every word that Adam said, making him uneasy. Maybe it was better when Joey had been all high and mighty…

Adam hated being the center of attention. “No. I left because she can just buy a house, no problem. I had to save for months and months, even before I asked her to move in with me. I left because she's elegant and sophisticated and classy in a way that I can never be. I've _tried_. That life—it's just not for me. I left because she is everything, just as sure as I am nothing. I will not drag her down with me.” There was a little smile playing about Joey’s lips, but before Adam could question it, a train horn blared out.

“It's going the opposite way, laddie. Two tracks see?” Adam did see. There were two different loading platforms, two different trains and he took a second to admire the genius design—very efficient. Then something else caught his eye.

A little girl with a bright red hat on was talking to her mother, or trying to at least. Whether it was the fact that the oncoming train was too loud or maybe it was the phone pressed against the mothers ear, Adam didn't know. What he _did_ know was that the little girl had wandered entirely too close to the edge of the platform and it was almost slow motion like when her foot went to step on a platform that wasn't there anymore. Her startled yelp was swallowed by the sound of the rushing train and before Adam had time to question himself, he ran to where to little girl had fallen and hopped down.

She had rolled a few feet from where she'd initially fallen and that had put her in the direct path of the oncoming train, sprawled out and unconscious. There was a blaring horn, shrieking brakes, but it wasn't enough. Adam could clearly hear the shouts and the noises and his own frantic heartbeat… but he ignored it all as he raced to the girl's side. They were deafening and he could feel the heat of the sparks as the train braked, a high pitched whining sound… Then something else cut through the bombardment of sounds.

“Adam!” He looked up in shock, seeing Belle standing on the edge of the track, as close as she could… and he threw the little girl. There was no time to see if Belle caught her, no time to take another step. There simply wasn't enough _time_.

Adam threw the little girl and then everything went black.

~X~

She'd made it. Belle might have broken at least twenty different speeding laws, but she'd made it. Somehow she ended up on the opposite side of the train tracks, it hardly mattered though. Because she could see him.

Adam. He was sitting next to an older looking man—who he was talking to—and he looked miserable. “Adam!” She yelled, but it was pointless. The train was coming and her shout was lost to it. Or so she thought.

The man Adam was talking to suddenly looked over at her for a moment, then smiled just a little. Belle took a moment to realize how strange that was before a flash of red got her attention. A little girl—not looking too much older than four or five—had fallen directly onto the tracks. And Adam was moving. Belle watched as he jumped in after her, heedless of the train rocketing towards them and his own safety. “Adam!” She called again, this time desperate and panicked. People were yelling, the train was shrieking as it braked, and she wasn't loud enough.

Quickly she rushed as far forward as she could, willing the train to stop. It had applied its breaks, but not fast enough. Nobody was boarding on this side, it hadn't a reason to slow down until just now. “Adam!” And this time it was a sob, choked and pleading—and he heard her. Wide brown eyes met her own for a half a second, the single light on the train behind him making Adam glow. It was less than a second, then the little girl was flying through the air and Belle was so focused on catching her that all she heard was a thud. A single heart stopping, blood chilling _thud_. Then Adam was the one flying through the air.

The train must have hit him off center because he did a full flip in the air before he crashed down onto the pavement a few feet away from Belle. She was frozen on the stop, barely aware of the shaking woman pulling the little girl from her arms. Adam wasn't moving. The train had fully stopped, there was noise, but Adam wasn't moving.

People were screaming, voices overlapping in everything that was said and _Adam wasn't moving_. Belle didn't even feel the concrete as she threw herself onto the ground, shakily pulling his limp body onto her lap. “Adam, please. Adam, love, open your eyes. Come on, sweetheart.” He made a gurgling sound and then turned his head and coughed. Blood dripped out from his mouth and ran down his chin, staining the platform a deep red.

His eyes opened slowly, the usual sharp brown hazy and unfocused. “Be..lle…” She silenced him with a fingertip pressed to his bloody lips. Against her thigh she could feel his chest rattling with every unsteady breath and he needed to conserve his strength. He'd be fine once they got to a hospital and then they'd go back to their perfect little home and everything would be fine. He just needed to hang on long enough for the sirens she could hear in t he distance to reach them.

“Save your strength, love. Hush now, shh. It's okay, sweetheart. Everything is going to be okay.” It was a boldfaced lie. His heart was beating fast—too fast—trying to make up for the blood he was losing so quickly. It was a steady stream from the corner of his mouth now, a puddle rapidly forming beside her knee.

Adam coughed again, narrowly managing to turn his head in time to avoid covering her in blood. He wasn't going to be okay. Lying to him wasn't going to do any good, especially considering the fact that he already seemed to know. “Love… you…”

Belle swallowed back her sobs and took a deep breath. “The letter that you wrote—you're not the ground, Adam. If I'm the sky then you're the sun, and you could never darken me. You're everything, sweetheart. And I should have told you that more. I love you so much, Adam. You made me—and my life—so much _brighter_.” His rattled breathing had subsided to short gasps, but his eyes were wide with clarity and understanding. Her tears fell onto his own cheeks where they made a salty trail through the drying blood and dripped into the puddle. She did her best to smile at him as his eyes closed and he gave one last broken wheeze… then nothing.

With a strangled sob Belle pulled him closer, crying into his shoulder. She could smell his blood and feel his warmth as she sobbed and raged. He was dead and gone and if she hadn't been so stupid about the house...

A little girl would have died. The little girl in the red hat who her boyfriend had saved. Adam Gold was a romantic and a realist. He was brave and good and true. He'd fearlessly jumped onto the tracks to save a little girl who he did not know.

“Ma'am? Ma'am,” a gentle hand was resting on her shoulder, then softer, “Miss Belle?” She turned at the sound of her name, meeting a pair of pale green eyes in confusion. Then it clicked.

“You were talking to him,” she rasped softly, taking the bottle of water he offered with a trembling hand. “By the tr-train tracks.”

The old man smiled at her, his strong but gentle hands pulling her up slowly. “Indeed, ma'am. My name is Joey and we were talking about you, Miss Belle.” Behind them there was the sound of an ambulance being opened and people moving, but Joey’s firm hold on her shoulders prevented her from turning around. “I've been alive for sixty seven years, miss. And never have I seen something as brave as your man today.” His eyes glanced away from hers for a second, then his tight hold on her shoulders loosened.

Forcing herself to be strong, Belle turned and walked to the stretcher that Adam was lying on. If it wasn't for the dried blood on his face and the doctors surrounding him, he might've been sleeping. So she pretended he was.

Very carefully Belle pulled her sweater sleeve over her hand and opened the bottle of water, pouring a generous amount onto the fabric. Ignoring the tears in her eyes she set it work, carefully cleaning every bit of blood from his face and using the rest of the bottle to scrub the blood from his hair. “I love you.” She kissed his forehead first, then his cheeks, his closed eyelids and then finally his mouth. Only then did she allow Joey to pull her away from him, hiding her face against his jacket as Adam was loaded onto the ambulance.

Adam Gold was a romantic. Adam Gold was selfless.

Adam Gold was a hero.


	2. The Past and The Present

Emma supposed that she was rather lucky, all things considered. Miss Katie wasn’t the dotting mom that some girls her age had, but then again, she wasn’t really her mom either. She was nice, and when she smiled at her, the affection in her dark brown eyes was obvious, even if it wasn’t motherly love.

Not that Miss Katie had been smiling recently.

In fact, ever since Mister Jake had left, slamming the off-white door with a final and cracking _snap_ , Emma could count the number of times Miss Katie had smiled on one hand. With two fingers left over. Out of the many foster homes she’d bounced through, one thing had become clear rather quickly: grownups fought. A lot. And when Emma had first heard the shouting in the kitchen a few weeks ago, her instincts had told her exactly what she was supposed to do. Stay absolutely still and absolutely quiet. She was upstairs, they were downstairs. She was safe. Call the police if she heard the sick _thump_ that meant they were hitting each other. Don’t scream if she heard glass break. Don’t cry if she heard yelling.

“How long Katie?!” a choked question, Mister Jake’s voice high and shrill with strain. “How long do I have to pay for the mistakes of another man?”

Miss Katie didn’t miss a beat. “Don’t you dare bring him into this! He has _nothing_ to do with what’s going on right now Jake! This isn’t about him, it’s about you keeping secrets from me.”

“I can’t tell you!” That same choked voice, almost like a shriek. Emma leaned farther back on her bed, pulling the quilt up higher around her. “All I’m asking is that you trust me, okay? Just trust me.”

“You were with a woman Jake—” Miss Katie yelled, and Emma could almost see her, eyes wild and dark, blazing with fury. She didn’t know much about Miss Katie’s ex-husband, but she did know that he’d cheated on her. Emma hadn’t thought Mister Jake capable of that… he was _different_ than other foster parents, some of which she’d been forced to witness their cheating first hand. But Mister Jake was a police officer, and they were the good guys. And besides, he loved Miss Katie.

“—yes, but—”

 

“ _Hugging_ her, holding her hand—”

 

“Dammit Katie!” A sharp thump made Emma jump, frowning down at the floor like it might become transparent and let her see what was happening downstairs. If she wanted to know. “I know what it sounds like, I do sweetheart, but _please_ … I’m begging you, just trust me. I’ve never wronged you, I love you, _please…_ ”

A few tense seconds of silence and then everything else was muffled, but Emma clearly remembered the door being slammed. Her hands had been clenching her blue and pink quilt and as soon as she loosened her grip, Miss Katie started to cry.

Late that evening Miss Katie had appeared silently at her door, handing over her cell phone without a word. It had been Mister Jake. He said he needed some time to think, but wanted to call and let her know that he hadn’t abandoned her. He just needed some space and he’d call again when he could. It was only a few days later when the strong men in the black suits knocked on their front door, looking horribly out of place in their sleepy little town.

They’d asked for Mister Jake and even though Emma hadn’t understood what they meant by “witness protection program” and “undercover as her boyfriend”, Miss Katie certainly had. She’d gotten smaller then, her whole body seeming to drop down to her toes as she fell against the doorway, white as a ghost. “Oh my god…”

Emma hadn’t said a word when Miss Katie explained to the men what happened, not a peep when she broke down after they left. That night she’d made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Miss Katie stayed by the phone, her eyes red and swollen. It could have been worse.

The next morning Emma made a bowl of cereal and poured a glass of orange juice, careful to put the step ladder back exactly where she’d gotten it from. It was easy to imagine what would probably come next, the short car ride to the nearest foster home, a muffled conversation outside of the car, tearful apologies, eyes heavy with guilt and relief and sorrow and whatever else emotion they felt as they gave her up. She was used to it by now, the whole process.

But she liked Miss Katie and Mister Jake.

So Emma made her own food and cleaned up after herself the best she could, was quiet as a mouse, didn’t dare to disturb Miss Katie or do anything that would get her sent away. And that very same day, with her cereal bowl and orange juice cup rinsed out and waiting in the sink, Miss Katie knocked very lightly on her bedroom door and apologized for the way she’d been acting lately. She’d crossed the small bedroom with heavy feet, gingerly perching herself at the edge of Emma’s bed.

“I was heartbroken and guilty and grieving but none of that excuses leaving you to fend for yourself. I-I don’t know when… or-or if… Jake is coming back—” she’d paused to sniffle here and very slowly, Emma had moved to place her hand near Miss Katie’s. Not quite holding it, but close enough to offer comfort. She hoped. “So things may change around here but we’ll manage. I saw some dishes in the sink, was that breakfast?”

Emma nodded.

The very corners of Miss Katie’s lips twitched up, then fell back down again. “I figured. You’re a resourceful girl Emma. And most definitely the smartest nine-year-old I’ve ever met—” her head tilted a little to the side, her whole body stilling and a sudden flash of sharp guilt flashing through her eyes. “You didn’t think…? Emma, when I locked myself in my room and was a completely irresponsible fool, you didn’t think I would…” Miss Katie trailed off and looked at her with wide, miserable eyes. The question was clear, but Emma really didn’t want to answer. _Did you think I was going to send you back? That I still might?_ She had, of course. It was the next step in the never-ending cycle that was her life. Miss Katie was right, she was nine, but she’d never felt like it.

Hating to do so, Emma nodded again, slowly, frowning when Miss Katie’s face crumbled.

“Oh no! Honey I’m sorry!” The obvious distress in her voice gave Emma the courage to finally take her hand in a loose grip, offering Miss Katie a small smile. She didn’t return it. “I made a mistake. I saw Jake with another woman and assumed and when he asked me to trust him, I didn’t. So, he left. Then those men came by and explained that he was protecting the woman from some really bad people and had been given strict orders not to tell anyone. I was…” Miss Katie didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence, but Emma didn’t need her to. She’d heard the crying herself. “I made a mistake in my love life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to send you away, okay? I-I wouldn’t do that. I promise.”

Promises meant very little to her now, having been made several different ones by several different families. _“We just didn’t expect to have one of our own!”, “It’s more than I was prepared for, I’m not ready.”, “You’ll be better off without us, Emma. You know that.”_ But still, she wanted to believe Miss Katie. To offer up her bruised heart and betrayed trust, throw caution to the wind and live for the moment. In the moment. That would only lead to more pain and betrayal though, so the best Emma could do was smile.

…

 

Today was different.

Emma had woken up when her door had creaked open slowly, but in a fit of curiosity, she kept her eyes closed. In other foster homes, she’d been woken up by none-too-gentle shaking, loud cries of her name, and once—the clanging of a wooden spoon against a pan. But here, with Miss Katie, everything felt different. She didn’t feel like a burden or a paycheck, she felt like Emma… even if she still wasn’t quite sure what that meant yet.

There was another, longer whine from the hinges as the door was pushed all the way open, the quiet little thumps as Miss Katie walked over to her bed. Emma could feel the warmth from Miss Katie and the cool air from the hallway, but there was something else… a smell in the air…

Being careful to keep completely still, Emma took a deep breath through her nose and almost fidgeted. It smelled like… bacon? Or was her hunger playing tricks on her?

Gentle fingers tapped her arm, sliding down the fabric of her long-sleeved pajama shirt and tugging just once. Emma grinned. “Rise and shine, sleepyhead. I’ve got breakfast ready downstairs and a brand new jug of orange juice with your name on it.” Emma opened her eyes slowly, barely managing to avoid openly staring at the smile she saw. For the past few weeks Miss Katie had been sad and subdued, the light in her eyes extinguished. It wasn’t the same as she had been those first few days, Miss Katie always made her a bowl of cereal and some kind of juice, always spent time with her, never ignored her or shut her out… but more than once Emma had been forced to pretend not to hear the crying in the middle of the night or sometimes even the middle of the day.

Not now though. She looked… hopeful, almost. Emma smiled back at her, still unsure but happy for whatever change had come over Miss Katie. “Orange juice?” she managed finally, still smiling. “That sounds good. And do I smell _bacon_?”

“You’ll have to come downstairs and find out, I suppose.”  

…

 

It had been bacon.

The entire table was filled with food: bacon and eggs, fruit and pastries, juice and coffee. There was a neat stack of fluffy chocolate chip pancakes in the center of it all, thick maple syrup sitting next to the little container of butter. Emma just stared, trying to ignore the heavy feeling of dread settling low in her stomach. Miss Katie smiled down at her, taking her silence as awe.

“I know, I know. It’s a ridiculous spread for two people, but I really couldn’t help myself,” a little tug on her pajama top prompted Emma to follow her, sitting down when Miss Katie pulled out her chair. “Consider it an apology for all the cereal. Plus… we’re celebrating.

Celebrating.

Emma frowned and looked around, freezing at the sight of her suitcase by the door. As she snapped her eyes back to Miss Katie, a plate piled high with food was sat down in front of her. She was being _waited_ on. Quite suddenly, the unnatural behavior all made sense. The relief and hope in her eyes, the extravagant breakfast, maybe even the gentle tug of her pajama shirt sleeve. Miss Katie was taking her back. And all of this… it was a celebration. A celebration of her time here.

Time that had ended.

The bite of pancake in her mouth tasted bitter and sour like soap, but Emma forced herself to swallow, looking around desperately. She didn’t need this! A fancy breakfast and orange juice, new clothes and shoes. It was nice, to have someone to talk to and even hug sometimes but she didn’t _need_ it. As long as she had a place to sleep and Miss Katie smiled at her occasionally, Emma would take whatever else came! Maybe she could learn how to clean, then Miss Katie would want her to stay. She’d be useful then.

“I’ll take care of the dishes!” Emma blurted out, realizing a second too late that Miss Katie had been talking. It was done now, but that didn’t seem to matter because she had quit talking at the interruption and now just looked very confused.

“Emma? Do you know _how_ to wash dishes?” Well come to think of it, she didn’t. But that was easy enough to learn. Miss Katie just squeezed a little bit of soap onto the blue sponge and then kind of wiped around the dishes. That couldn’t be too hard, right? She’d have to use the step ladder but that was okay.

“I-I think so. Kind of,” Emma met her eyes desperately; then reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’ll learn! I can—I can _learn._ I can sweep too and maybe mop o-or—”

Miss Katie cut her off. “Emma, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

_I know,_ she thought sadly. _I know you’re going to send me back and then I’ll go to a new foster home with a new foster family until they get tired of me too. But you promised and I believed you and maybe that was my fault but you—_

_“_ Emma honey, what’s wrong?” Miss Katie took the hand that had snatched hers and held it between her own, still looking confused and a little bit scared. Emma thought she might be sick. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“You promised.” She didn’t intend for the words to be as harsh as they were, but her throat felt tight and burned a little when she tried to swallow and it was all she could do to keep from crying. It wasn’t fair, but that didn’t matter to foster parents and apparently Miss Katie was no different than the rest of them. The realization _stung_. “You promised… and I’m not hungry anymore.”

Instead of just leaving her alone like Emma thought she might, Miss Katie kept her hand held loosely, still frowning a little. “Emma, I understand that you’re upset right now but you lost me. What do you mean by…” Miss Katie’s eyes found the suitcase and Emma finally yanked her hand away, not caring about the possible consequences. _I’m already going back,_ she thought bitterly, _what’s the point?_

“It’s the suitcase, isn’t it? Because I promised you that… Oh _Emma._ ”  

The sudden hug she was enveloped in didn’t surprise Emma as much as the obvious affection in her voice. If Miss Katie cared, then why was she sending her away? “I’m confused,” Emma said slowly, squirming out of the tight embrace. “Why…?”

“Jake called last night. He went to stay with some family up in New York and wants to see us.” Miss Katie sounded happy but once she refocused on Emma, her eyes darkened a little in sadness. “Emma, I know that a lot of families have probably made you promises and then broken them and I know that my request for your trust is a hard one to grant but hear me clearly, I will _never_ send you back. I will _never_ ask you to leave. You're not just a foster kid to me, you are family. My family. And if something were to happen to both Jake and I, we talked to the Nolans’ and they agreed to take you in. You don’t have to go back, you _never_ have to go back.”

 Emma tried to swallow back the tears that were clogging her throat, but it was useless. After one embarrassingly loud snort, she was crying. This time when Miss Katie wrapped her arms around her, she went more than willingly. “I just… I can’t… So _many_ times…” A hand was stroking through her hair and rubbing at her back and the tears started again, soaking through the dark blue fabric of Miss Katie’s shirt. “Why didn’t they want me?”

That was the worst part. Bouncing from family to family left her shaken up and wary, but why had that happened in the first place? Why hadn’t she been _wanted_? Had she been too loud? Too time consuming? Too much responsibility? Couldn’t they have left her a note or _something_ to know why?

Miss Katie sniffled a little and Emma looked up at her, surprised. “It’s not always that easy honey,” she whispered softly, still stroking Emma’s hair. “Sometimes in life you need to make really difficult decisions, even if you don’t want to. Maybe your parents knew that you would have a better life with somebody else, maybe they were sick or didn’t have enough money or just weren’t ready. Maybe they wanted to give you your best chance.” Emma drew in a deep, shuddering breath as her tears stopped and gave Miss Katie one last hug before she settled back in her seat. Breakfast was probably cold by now, but that thought didn’t upset her too much. She had her whole life to eat breakfast with Miss Katie, and hopefully, Mister Jake too.

“I like the Nolans’” Emma said slowly, taking a sip of orange juice and flinching when it stung her raw throat. She didn’t want to think about what Miss Katie had said just yet. Didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that if she hadn’t been with those other families and their broken promises, she wouldn’t be here. When her gaze landed on the suitcase that had started all of this, she smiled. “So, New York?

…

 

The train station was loud.

While getting ready to go after breakfast, Emma had decided to wear the red hat that Mister Jake had gotten her for Christmas that year. There were a lot of people in New York and she figured that wearing something he could recognize would make them easier to spot. Plus… it was snowing.

But the train station was _very_ loud.

Emma held Miss Katie’s hand with one of hers and the pulled along her suitcase with the other, beaming at everyone she saw. Happiness like this was a new emotion for her, but she rather thought she could get used to it. She was going to be part of a family! “The trains are very fast!”

“Yeah, they are. Be caref—“ Miss Katie’s phone rang and she looked down at it with a puzzled frown that turned into a wide smile, letting go of Emma’s hand so she could answer it. “Jake! We’re in front of the platform now, just waiting for the train to come. Emma and I both have our luggage. Yes, I'm sure… I packed for a week… yes… I-I miss you too. God, Jake… I miss you _so_ much.” Emma turned away to give her as much privacy as she could and ended up facing two men instead.

One of the men had a look in his eyes that reminded her a bit of Miss Katie, the first few days after Mister Jake left. His long hair was brushing the fabric of his jacket and his clothes were covered in snow but it was the pain in his eyes that made Emma suck in a breath. _Nobody_ should look like they were hurting that badly.

“Miss Katie! I wanted to—” Emma turned and saw that the phone was still pressed against her ear and since the train horn had just blared, she didn’t even think she’d been heard.

Emma frowned and took a few steps away, trying to formulate a plan. Obviously, she’d have to introduce herself to him, and then after she knew what kind of person he was, she’d try and help. It wasn’t a fool proof plan, but it was the best she could come up with for now. All she had to do was—

The sudden lack of a ground under her made Emma yelp and then… nothing. For half a second there was absolutely nothing, and then the darkness faded and she could see herself sprawled out of the train tracks, could see the phone drop from Miss Katie’s fingers, and could _hear_ the voice of a new woman. The man who she’d been planning to try and help had jumped down onto the train tracks after her and the way he looked at the new woman—dark brown hair, though not quite as dark as Miss Katie’s, and blue eyes, wearing a pretty, long sleeved blue dress—was _exactly_ the way Mister Jake looked at Miss Katie.

Utter adoration.

The look only lasted a second and then Emma’s stomach dropped as she watched herself get tossed towards the new woman, then saw Miss Katie run off in the opposite direction. Her head felt funny and then there was a loud _crunch_ and “Adam” as the woman had called him, was the one flying through the air. He did a little flip and before Emma had time to see him land, the squeal of brakes caught her attention and she turned in time to see Miss Katie throw herself out of the car and _sprint_ towards the woman.

Once again her stomach twisted as she saw Miss Katie lift her up, her whole body shaking as she clutched her closer. Emma tried to grab her hand and reassure her that everything was okay, but Miss Katie’s fingers just slipped through her own.

“—okay, sweetheart. Everything is going to be okay.” Emma turned to look at the woman cradling Adam, the dark red blood pouring out from the corner of his mouth, staining her dress.

The man didn’t seem to believe her and Emma could see why. There was so much blood and even though she could hear sirens in the distance, she doubted they could do anything. “Love you…” Adam said softly and Emma felt like doubling over, a rush of guilt choking her. She’d meant to try and help him, not _kill_ him!

A soft sputtering sound made her turn back to Miss Katie as the woman started talking about letters and the sun and this time Emma really _did_ double over as she watched herself start to squirm in Miss Katie’s arms. Out of the corner of her eye she could see paramedics lift Adam and the woman who had held him was talking to the man who had been sitting next to him on the benches and…

The woman had stumbled over to where Adam was lying on the stretcher, Miss Katie was petting her hair and Emma could _feel_ the comforting strokes. Everything felt hazy and unreal, the entire world starting to blur together. Next to the woman, Emma could see Adam standing, looking down sadly. His voice was low and urgent as he whispered into her ear, but the woman could only see the Adam that was in front of her… dead.

Black spots danced along the edge of Emma’s vision and when the ghost of Adam met her gaze, everything went dark.

…

She was in her room.

Emma frowned as she opened her eyes, looking around the familiar room with an increasing sense of dread. Apparently Miss Katie had decided to cancel the trip to New York after what happened at the train station and Emma felt the overwhelming guilt rise to choke her again. Even if Miss Katie forgave her, she’d always remember that Emma had stopped her from seeing Mister Jake.

And Adam…

A gentle knock on her door startled her and Emma closed her eyes again, hearing the door open slowly. “Rise and shine, sleepyhead. I’ve got breakfast ready downstairs and a brand new jug of orange juice with your name on it.” There was a little tug on the sleeve of her pajama top, soft and teasing.

Her eyes opened to see a smiling Miss Katie… wearing the same clothes she had the morning before. “I hope you’re hungry, I might’ve gone just a _bit_ overboard with breakfast. But I have some really exciting news.”

Emma swallowed harshly and sat all the way up, forcing herself to be brave. “Are the police coming to get me?” She hadn’t _meant_ to fall onto the train tracks, and she certainly hadn’t meant to get Adam killed, but that didn’t matter much. She had fallen. Adam was dead. Now she needed to face the consequences.

“What? What are you talking about honey?” Miss Katie ran a hand through her hair, pressing the back of her hand against Emma’s forehead. The touch was cool and comforting and nothing she deserved. “Of course they aren’t. Why would you ask that?”

“Because I got Adam killed!” He was dead and it was all Emma’s fault and _why_ wasn’t Miss Katie more concerned about this?

“Who’s Adam?”

Emma blinked at her. “The man from the train station. He got hit saving me.”

Miss Katie smiled slowly and relaxed a little, leaning back against the headboard of the bed with a little sigh. “Oh honey, it was just a bad dream. Though it _is_ funny that what you dreamed of had to do with a train—” she cut herself off and pulled a face, scrunching up her nose and looking at Emma. “—minus the whole ‘getting hit’ part. Almost like you have a superpower… remember that news I was talking about?”

Emma nodded slowly, her head spinning. It wasn’t possible, it _couldn’t_ be possible. It was just a bad dream, like Miss Katie said. There was no way Emma could—

“Jake called.”

—see the future.  

…

 

The train station was still loud.

Emma kept a tight hold on Miss Katie’s hand the entire time, and when her phone rang, she held onto her belt loop instead. Miss Katie shot her a surprised look, but smiled, and then jumped when she finally looked down at who was calling.

“Jake! We’re in front of the platform now, just waiting for the train to come. Emma and I both have our luggage. Yes, I'm sure… I packed for a week… yes… I-I miss you too. God, Jake… I miss you _so_ much.” Their conversation was exactly the same, which meant that everything should happen the same way it had before. When she turned around, she should see Adam.

Emma took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes tightly. _What if she was wrong? What if even though everything was the same, Adam was still dead?_ She wasn’t a coward. Out of all the labels and names that people had called her over the years, coward wasn’t one of them. Taking one last deep breath, she turned around.

The sight of Adam talking to the older man, with his snow covered pants and jacket, sad eyes and slumped shoulders, was the best thing Emma had ever seen. It took every once of her self control not to jump up and down because he was alive and even though she didn’t _know_ him, he’d saved her and… and…

A noisy sob tried to burst past her lips and Emma kept them stubbornly closed, grateful that the passing train muffled the bizarre sound she made. Even though Adam was still talking to the man, Emma held her breath as the train passed, unable to get the image of him lying across the woman’s lap and dying from her mind. And the woman…

“Adam!”

Next to her she felt Miss Katie’s attention shift across the tracks, but Emma hardly noticed. Adam and the man stopped talking and when he saw the woman standing across the tracks, he was all movement.

“No, don’t! It’s not safe! I-I’ll drive around!” Emma nodded along with this and Adam stood frozen, gaping at the empty space where the woman had been. Distantly, she could hear a car start and even that didn’t get through to him. His eyes were wide and disbelieving, but the little spark of hope coming to life made Emma smile.

Somewhere close by, a car door closed and that seemed to snap Adam out of his daze, his whole body giving a sudden _jerk_ towards the sound of rapidly clicking heels. “Belle…” he whispered softly, his sad eyes fogging over with confusion. “I don’t understand. I thought… my letter—”

“Was _beautiful_ ,” the woman—Belle, apparently—interrupted gently. Emma watched as her eyes filled with tears, the way her hands shook as she reached out for him. If the couple knew that they had a small audience, they didn’t seem to care. “I love you so much. I-I read that letter and I knew that I had to stop you because I can’t imagine my life without you. The house is perfect. You’re perfect. I just—I’m so sorry, baby. I never… I’m _so_ sorry…”

They met in a fierce hug that sounded like it had hurt but neither one of them looked like they minded. Emma could see the way Belle was trembling in Adam’s arms and the way Adam looked like he was trying to pull her _inside_ his body and Emma knew that she was openly staring at a moment that was no doubt supposed to be private even though they were very much in public, but she couldn’t stop.

The image of Adam’s broken and bleeding body flashed behind her eyes and only the sight of them together seemed to dull the sharp image.

“You’re perfect. So perfect. I don’t deserve—”

“Hush,” Belle cut him off again, pulling him down so their foreheads could touch. “You deserve the world Adam. And I love you. I’m in love with you. Please don’t leave me.”

“Never,” Adam whispered fiercely, and then they were kissing.

Emma turned away at that, feeling her cheeks heat up in the cold air. Still though, she couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face and when she glanced up at Miss Katie, the sight of tears made her pause.

“Miss Katie?” She jumped and Emma gestured to her cheeks. “You’re crying.”

Miss Katie smiled, “Good tears, honey. Hopeful even.” There was a sort of wistful look in her eyes that Emma didn’t understand but it was worlds better than the sad and bloodshot gaze that she’d come to recognize, so she stayed quiet. 

All around them the train station came back to life, people moving again and noises piercing the small bubble that Belle and Adam had created. The train pulled up a few seconds later and Emma turned to look up at Miss Katie, who was still watching Belle and Adam. “Please let this be a good omen…”

Not sure if she was supposed to have heard that, Emma gave her hand a slight tug. Miss Katie took a deep breath and turned away from the happy couple, her eyes still suspiciously bright. They didn’t say anything else as they got onboard and settled, the train taking off moments after. The world outside blurred into a smear of green and blue, quiet chatter and the steady movement of the train lulling her into a sleepy state. Miss Katie was sitting right next to her and without giving herself time to question it, Emma leaned against her, burrowing as close as she could.

Miss Katie wrapped an arm around her and Emma felt the soft kiss to the top of her head. With the fresh image of Belle and Adam in her mind, the warmth of Miss Katie and the hand stroking through her hair, Emma finally let herself relax completely as she fell asleep, still smiling.


End file.
